Watch Your Step!!!

This week was incredibly uninteresting where running was concerned. In fact, the only thing I saw is definitely not worthy of gracing the pages of any blog in existence. But, as I promised myself that I would post every week, here goes.

This week, I saw some dog poo. Approximately 0.5 seconds before I stood in it.
It was one of those things that happened in slow motion. I could see my fate squatting on the path in front of me but could do nothing to prevent my unfortunate demise.

It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining, the birds were chirruping in the trees. I was immersed in pleasing sensations. However, after the aforementioned incident, all pleasant, appreciative thoughts concerning the weather were diminished. My mind was completely occupied by the foul substance that I had been misfortune enough to tread in.

If I had been certain that it was poo, I would have put all thoughts of injury aside and attempted to dive out of the way. But part of me thought that what was in front of me was just an unfortunately shaped patch of mud. For a moment, hope flared. I thought I was safe. So I allowed my foot to fall – a mistake that would haunt me for the next fifteen minutes.

I’m sure that the majority of people have suffered a shoe + dog poo collision at some point in their lives. When such misfortune occurs, it’s hard to imagine that such a cute furry body can possibly conceal such a substance. It was like having some kind of putrid chewing gum attached to my shoe. No matter how hard I tried to rid myself of its complete and utter disgustingness, it clung to the sole with its infinitely sticky properties. I must have looked slightly strange – walking along, dragging one shoe along the grass in an attempt to dislodge its unwelcome companion, as if the blood had ceased flowing in my leg, rendering it dead.

It was not, ladies and gents, my finest day.

I found myself forming a deep resentment for the owner of the dog whose excrement was now clinging so unforgivingly to my shoe. Sir/ Madam, if you are (miraculously) reading this, I understand that picking up your dog’s waste products may not be a particularly pleasant experience for you. But it’s kind of the rule. Exceptions may be valid if your dog decides to defecate in a highly-thorned bush where no human would ever dare to tread. But if your dog relieves itself right in the middle of a public sidewalk, then it is your duty, your obligation, to remove the substance from the path of ill-fated joggers such as myself. There is a reason why the government installed those bright red, highly noticeable dog poo boxes – so that my shoe would not have to go through such traumatic encounters!

That is all.